(originally posted January 26, 2015)
It's inevitable.
But most of the time, I'm sure, we don't let them get under our skin.
Most of the time, I just let it slide,
brushing off the annoyance I have with such person.
Then there are the other people,
whom for various reasons, are connected to you one way or the other.
You just cannot avoid them because no matter where you go,
they are there.
They could be co-workers, other parents, people at the gym,
or in my case, someone related to me by marriage.
I just cannot shake it off.
I find the person extremely selfish, and I'm pulling hair.
I get mad for things that I'd normally let go.
It bothers me that I'm bothered.
The person is so not worth my time.
Yet here I am, writing a blog page because of this person.
Perhaps there is a bit of jealousy here.
This person gets whatever she wants.
A big new house, car from parents, vacation, she wants the best of everything, etc.
Other siblings also seem to think her kids are the brightest,
darlings of the world.
Everyone in the family helps her with all these things.
So she goes on vacation, husb has to drive her and family to the airport.
Even at the most inconvenient time.
Obviously it's husb's fault for not declining.
It's family, he thinks.
But why should we support that life style when it's obviously her family who are enjoying it?
Other people think they are doing so well, living the high life.
I am upset with husb also because he thinks I am being unreasonable.
He thinks he has always been nice to my family.
But it does not deny the fact that she is selfish, does it.
I want a little confirmation, for people to tell me yes, I see what you see.
I want them to wake up and stop supporting such behavior.
I want this person to know what s/he is doing, and change.
I know I'm wrong, and that I shouldn't feel this way.
Writing it out helps.
My brain needs to shift into gear and let the emotions subside.
***
Update:
After I wrote the above, I went to do dishes.
I love doing dishes because it's something I have control over.
I alone can make things clean, and make the place look nice.
Very nice.
A little on the sick side, but it's therapeutic.
As I was washing the dishes, I reflected on what I wrote.
I asked myself, why can't I just be happy for her, like I am happy for a lot of other people?
A thought then came to me.
"Unworthy."
I thought it some more, and I realized that is it.
It is because I think she is unworthy and therefore I think she doesn't deserve what she has.
If I felt there is more, than I might not have felt so upset.
But if that is the bottom line, I am doomed.
Who is worthy, really? In God's eyes, no one is.
I am not worthy either.
So how can I judge?
This is a tough pill to swallow.
It's something I have to come to terms with.
Equality under God.
But most of the time, I'm sure, we don't let them get under our skin.
Most of the time, I just let it slide,
brushing off the annoyance I have with such person.
Then there are the other people,
whom for various reasons, are connected to you one way or the other.
You just cannot avoid them because no matter where you go,
they are there.
They could be co-workers, other parents, people at the gym,
or in my case, someone related to me by marriage.
I just cannot shake it off.
I find the person extremely selfish, and I'm pulling hair.
I get mad for things that I'd normally let go.
It bothers me that I'm bothered.
The person is so not worth my time.
Yet here I am, writing a blog page because of this person.
Perhaps there is a bit of jealousy here.
This person gets whatever she wants.
A big new house, car from parents, vacation, she wants the best of everything, etc.
Other siblings also seem to think her kids are the brightest,
darlings of the world.
Everyone in the family helps her with all these things.
So she goes on vacation, husb has to drive her and family to the airport.
Even at the most inconvenient time.
Obviously it's husb's fault for not declining.
It's family, he thinks.
But why should we support that life style when it's obviously her family who are enjoying it?
Other people think they are doing so well, living the high life.
I am upset with husb also because he thinks I am being unreasonable.
He thinks he has always been nice to my family.
But it does not deny the fact that she is selfish, does it.
I want a little confirmation, for people to tell me yes, I see what you see.
I want them to wake up and stop supporting such behavior.
I want this person to know what s/he is doing, and change.
I know I'm wrong, and that I shouldn't feel this way.
Writing it out helps.
My brain needs to shift into gear and let the emotions subside.
***
Update:
After I wrote the above, I went to do dishes.
I love doing dishes because it's something I have control over.
I alone can make things clean, and make the place look nice.
Very nice.
A little on the sick side, but it's therapeutic.
As I was washing the dishes, I reflected on what I wrote.
I asked myself, why can't I just be happy for her, like I am happy for a lot of other people?
A thought then came to me.
"Unworthy."
I thought it some more, and I realized that is it.
It is because I think she is unworthy and therefore I think she doesn't deserve what she has.
If I felt there is more, than I might not have felt so upset.
But if that is the bottom line, I am doomed.
Who is worthy, really? In God's eyes, no one is.
I am not worthy either.
So how can I judge?
This is a tough pill to swallow.
It's something I have to come to terms with.
Equality under God.
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